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Joke of the Day

"Why cant miss piggy count to 70? Because when she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat."

"[on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car"

"Broke Last night, a burglar broke into my flat looking for some money. I woke up and went with him to join him in the search."

"Boss asked if I was ready for more responsibility. I'm eating around a sticker on an apple cause I'm too lazy to peel it off so I guess no."

"what's the difference between a woman kneeling in prayer and a woman kneeling in a bathtub? a woman kneeling in prayer has hope in her soul."

"Why did the tomcat get sent to prison? For looking at kitty porn."

"What did Richard Nixon say after he tried to make dinner at the White House for the first time? I am not a cook"

"I'm a completely chill dude. But you try to cook my baby son in the pizza oven you built in your backyard... we're gonna have problems."

"started my own brewery kindof just pour root beer into square bottles."

"How many cops does it take the screw in a lightbulb? The same number it takes to screw public confidence in law enforcement"