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Joke of the Day

"I'm a completely chill dude. But you try to cook my baby son in the pizza oven you built in your backyard... we're gonna have problems."

"What did the Banana say to the other Banana? You're very appealing"

"I wish Shaq named his daughter Shaqira."

"I always keep two pennies in my pocket. Just in case I have to give someone my two cents."

"what's the difference between peanut butter and jam? Well I can't peanut butter my dick up ur ass."

"I just opened an email from the vet wishing my dog a happy birthday. I replied asking them to call her because she can't read."

"Out of curiosity, where were you all thinking of moving after you're done destroying the Earth? 'Cause I assume you've thought that through."

"Why are lawyers always buried 15 feet deep? Because deep down they're good people."

"The guy in front of me is buying a pregnancy test....I bet this is the only time he would rather be buying tampons."

"Teacher With student.. Teacher: Why are you late? Student: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill. Teacher: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it? Student: No. I was standing on it."