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Joke of the Day

"An assault rifle that only shoots blanks should be called a JK-47! I am fun at parties please invite me to them."

"""Grapey."" -me after every wine at the wine-tasting"

"I was gonna put on my watch. But I didn't have the time."

"Going to the gym is such a great workout. I never actually enter the building, but the walk there is nice. Sometimes I even walk back."

"A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue. 'Is it moving?' they asked. 'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'"

"That deal's a sore dick.... Ya can't beat it!"

"My grandfather went to the doctor The doctor said he has the body of a 21 year old, who smokes, drinks, and does hard drugs."

"If you're still undecided on a certain tattoo, try it out first on your baby."

"an elevator what can a elevator do but a mexican family cant. raise a child PLS IM NOT RACIST DONT HATE"

"I don't like anti jokes... I like uncle jokes"