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Joke of the Day

"Just once in movies when someone gently shuts a dead person's eyes I want them to whisper ""Ew, ew, ew, ew."" while doing it."

"I've compiled a list of famous athletes who have spent time in prison. It's a pros and cons list."

"My girlfriend of 8 years recently told me she used to be a man This actually itsn't a joke I just had to get it off my chest. I'm heartbroken, what should I do?"

"What did the secretary say to Bill Clinton after his inauguration speech? Wow, that was quite a mouthful."

"texas humor sign inside a bar in texas reads: ""we like our beer like we like our violence, domestic."""

"I'll be honest, the only time I'd ever want to be 'Keeping Up With The Kardashians' would be if I was chasing them With an axe."

"JUST ONE MORE STD TILL I'M OFFICIALLY A JERSEY SHORE MEMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I was screwing this African woman last night, she kept yelling the N word It was really hard to concentrate with her screaming no the entire time"

"I am schizophrenic, AUA"

"This bloke at uni today told me he had 90 degrees... I said 90 degrees how is that even possible? He said you just need to look at uni from the right angle"