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Joke of the Day

"Me: Siri set an alarm for 6am tomorrow morning. I want to go to the gym before work. Siri: Lol"

"What I don't understand is, how did Jabba the Hutt become so powerful? He's just a fat, lecherous crook. Wait"

"If you're throwing babies out with your bathwater, I don't think parenting is for you."

"I never did think of myself as beautiful, terribly attractive, yes, but not beautiful."

"Why does Bernie Sanders write in lowercase letters? Because he hates capitalism."

"Why is Donald Trump always biting his fingers? Because they look just like Vienna sausages."

"Some guy walked up to me today and said I'm racist I told him I'm not racist. In fact my best friend was a black child until my dad sold him"

"What do you say to the cashier when you're adamant about using an expired coupon? dis counts!!"

"I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me."

"What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night."