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Joke of the Day

"A jewish boy asks his father.. Jewish boy: Father can I borrow $40? Father: $30?! What do you need $20 for??!!"

"If ISIS would really like the world to know their intentions.. they should kill a lion"

"I called my doctor and told her I have an erection that's lasted longer than 4 hours. We're meeting for drinks in 30 minutes."

"What do you call a half native pirate? Metis"

"So I was dating this girl... ...she was so posh, every time she had an orgasm she'd scream: ""I'm arriving!"""

"a cute girl stopped behind my laptop as I was full screen on a pic of bread and I didn't know what to say so I stammered out ""I like bread"""

"How did the stoner die? Blunt force trauma."

"Today I pissed my pants in Walmart and they offered me a job."

"How to fix something: -Say ""let's have a look"" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say ""nah it's broken"" -Place hands on hips"

"Cows... What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef... What do you call a cow with one leg? Lean beef... What do you call a cow with two legs? A Texan..."