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Joke of the Day

"How to fix something: -Say ""let's have a look"" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say ""nah it's broken"" -Place hands on hips"

"How do you stop an Albanian tank? You shoot the guy pushing it."

"Why does Kevin Bacon not get more leading roles in Hollywood? Because it's not kosher. http://36.media.tumblr.com/cb0ad7dd38767e0fc2363665afdb5cdd/tumblr_inline_ntae7hsEL21tw80r8_1280.jpg"

"How many potatoes does it take to kill the Irish? None."

"KID: Why's the sky blue DAD: It's sad MOM: Light refraction DAD: ... MOM: ... DAD: (*mumbling*) light refraction"

"Short Brit joke. Imagine bonfire night in America. The population would go down before you can even say 'happy bonfire night'"

"""I'm so wet!"" she screamed at me. ""I'm so fucking wet!"" she screamed at the top of her lungs. ""Give it to me, now!"" She could yell all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella."

"How many times does a woman laugh after you tell her a joke? Three. When you tell it to her, then when you explain it to her, and then when she gets it."

"What do you call really good tea? Qualitea."

"At jury duty they said, ""You do not have to be fluent in English."" So what you're supposed to do is just guess if the guy is innocent."