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Joke of the Day

"How to fix something: -Say ""let's have a look"" -Describe the brokenness -Break it a bit more -Say ""nah it's broken"" -Place hands on hips"

"When I misplace something and you say ""where did you have it last"" I feel like you don't know what misplace means."

"student: may i use the bathroom? Teacher: as long as you can recite the alphabet. Student: abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: wheres the p? Student: running down my leg."

"What're nuts on a wall? Bob: What are nuts on a wall? Dan: walnuts? Bob: What are nuts on a chest? Dan: Chestnuts? Bob: What are nuts on your chin? Dan: Chinnuts? Bob: No, dick in your mouth!"

"Oxygen and Potassium went on a date it went OK"

"What's the difference between an Electrician and someone who's high? The electrician knows where the ground is."

"Why didn't the scarecrow want dessert? Because he was stuffed!"

"I hate when I'm getting a back rub & he stops 3 mins in & says ""my thumbs hurt."" It's not like I ever say ""My jaw hurts."" I finish the job."

"Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the kids!"

"When the only light in your world is suddenly gone ...it's time to recharge your phone."