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Joke of the Day

"[Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop u right there"

"Two yrs ago I weighed 296lbs. Today I weigh 293lbs. Hard work makes dreams come true, folks."

"If you don't like gay marriage, blame straight people, they're the ones who keep having gay babies."

"What do you call a reptile that's good with directions? A Navigator"

"Why did the angry jedi cross the road? To get to the dark side"

"The new jumper I bought kept picking up static electricity, so I took it back and they exchanged it for another one free of charge."

"Why did Moses only go down on redheaded girls? He's into that burning bush."

"Mom: Some stranger keeps answering your land line. Me: That's because I haven't had a land line in 7 years, Ma."

"At a gag gift exchange, I gave a woman a hotdog and a condom She said ""Frankly, I never sausage a small weiner."""

"What's the best thing about owning a car in Liverpool? You'll eventually end up with enough bricks to build a free garage."