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Joke of the Day

"I wonder if whiskey thinks about me too."

"What does blue paint taste like? Exactly like red paint!"

"What do you call a middle eastern man with a bounty on his head? A towel head."

"GOD: I call this Tupperware SATAN: remember when I let u crash at my place and u said u owed me one G: yes S: make the lid a little smaller"

"I failed the drivers test even though I stopped for the sign I gave it plenty of time to cross, it's not my fault I hit it."

"My girlfriend fell and got a bruise on her ass. It was nasty. and the bruise was ugly too."

"Have I told ya my pizza joke? Augh nvm, its probably too cheesy"

"If it's true that spiders are more scared of me than I am of them, why have I never seen a spider crawl away screaming like a little girl?"

"Dear Americans: It's called snow. It's cold and wet, but can't hurt you from inside the house. It has no opposable thumbs. #AskCanada"

"Today my girlfriend left me Because I have a Linkin Park obsession... ...But in the end it doesnt even matter..."