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Joke of the Day

"I was going to go to a clairvoyants meeting the other day but.... it was cancelled due to unforeseen events."

"I was really pissed at my boyfriend for not calling me all day. Then I remembered he's imaginary. So I'm good."

"KIDNAPPER: [on phone] I'm holding your son for ransom. DAD: I have no money, what's the ransom? KIDNAPPER: Bring me one rich kid."

"Be careful people,there are a lot of scams on the internet For 19.99 I can show you how to avoid them"

"Subway is like prostitution... You pay someone else to do your wife's job!"

"Hey, having a good conversation with the cashier? Great. Hurry the fuck up. We have lives, sort of."

"Instructor: Welcome to our Summer with Kids Preparedness class. Our first lesson is how to apply sunscreen. Everyone grab an angry raccoon."

"A lady got off the train so I finished her crossword. Turns out she'd just gone to the toilet and now she's back and she hates me."

"How do you make a woman scream? You fuck her in the ass. How do you make her scream again? You wipe your dick off with the drapes."

"A guy walks into a bar.... ....with a pile of shit in his hands and says hey, look what I nearly stepped in..."