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Joke of the Day
"Remember when racism meant a political candidate wasn't viable? That was weird."
Next Joke
"How do you make a baby cry? Drop it. How do you make a baby stop crying? Drop it again."
"I want to get a dog just so I can name it Stain That way when I take it to the park, and if it runs off, I can yell ""come Stain!"""
"Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over."
"Wife ""WHY ARE THERE MUDDY FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE HALL?"" [Me while trying to push a zebra up into the attic] Must be that damn dog again..."
"What do you call a blind deer? No-eye-deer. What do you call a blind dead deer? Still no-eye-deer. What do you call two blind deer that died while having sex? Still no-fucking-eye-deer."
"I thought you were Russian... ...but it turns out you were just Stalin and Putin me off."
"Two Trump supporters are walking side by side. After a while, one asks the other ""Can I walk in the middle now?"""
"My wife asked me if I knew the difference between ignorance and apathy...... I told her I don't know, and I don't care."
"Interrupting Cow's Cousin Moo. Knock knock. Who's there? Time traveling cow."