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Joke of the Day

"My wife asked me if I knew the difference between ignorance and apathy...... I told her I don't know, and I don't care."

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law. The other tenth must be exorcism."

"""Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we'll call you a liar."" -insurance"

"Jesus said that he'd get rid of evil people, whereas Norse gods said they'd get rid of frost giants. nnI don't see many frost giants around."

"What if the aliens were from Uranus.."

"My signature move is texting ""There in 5"" while I'm 80 miles away and embroiled in a Kung Fu Dance battle with an uncouth cattle farmer."

"Most people who think I'm a nice person have no idea that I'd trade any one of my kids for a deep dish pizza."

"Why couldn't the spotty cat chase the sheep? Because her Mum wouldn't leopard be a shepherd"

"when i hear fat people say that they've made mistakes, i always think to myself, ""yeaa...at the grocery store."""

"I just got my first grey hair. This is the last time I let grandma cook dinner for me."