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Joke of the Day

"So the Mayor of London Boris Johnson has knocked a 10 year old boy to the ground... Then again... wouldn't be the first time a British MPs tackle has hurt an under aged child would it?"

"I'm sorry I put a collar on your baby. I thought it was a Pug."

"I start every conversation with my employees by saying, ""I shouldn't be telling you this"" just so I know they will listen."

"When I have more than $20 in my account at the end of the month I have to wonder what bill I forgot to pay."

"It's only Wednesday and I'm already 94% done with this week."

"If a cop is at the door when I answer, I yell into the house ""Anyone order a stripper?"" then say ""Sorry, wrong house"" & slam the door shut."

"I don't care if you stop reading after 80 characters. I'm using all 140, even if what I say makes no sense at all. Oh also, your mom's a who"

"I used to date a dysexic woman... ... I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock."

"Today's World : You Keep your friends close, your enemies closer and your relatives as far away as possible"

"Speed was unrealistic because nobody riding a bus wants to live"