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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a unicorn that's had its horn removed? A eunuchorn."

"It's really weird to think about the fact that I've slept with literally everyone in my high school.. It's a lot less weird when you realize it's one in the morning and my high school is vacant."

"What is Superman's favorite thing to eat for breakfast? A Bag-El"

"Sleeping guy on the bus has a laughably obvious boner. And now he's waking up. And now he's tweeting about it."

"Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won't be able to see us."

"[dentist's full hand and wrist in my mouth, also his keys?] so u visited Spain u said? tell me. tell me every goddamn detail about Spain"

"What do you call a vagina with Parkinson's? [oc] Michael J. Box"

"I'd like to teach you how to win any argument. Unfortunately my wife won't teach me her technique."

"What do amputee bears and regular bears have in common? They both have four legs. (assuming the amputee is missing a different appendage)"

"Wouldn't it be so cool if life had notifications like, *ONE NEW NOTIFICATION* Your boyfriend/girlfriend just cheated on you.."