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Joke of the Day

"Sleeping guy on the bus has a laughably obvious boner. And now he's waking up. And now he's tweeting about it."

"Why did the melons decide to have a wedding? Because they cantaloupe."

"In honour of Back To The Future, I just went back in time one hour. That's the joke."

"Doctor: This patient needs exercise. Get him a walker. No that's a zombie I wanted a walk-oh I see what you did there, nurse [Everyone dies]"

"How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentickles"

"Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they're not looking!"

"One day, someone is going to hold you so tight, that all of your broken pieces fit back together."

"The phrase ""watching paint dry"" should be replaced with ""listening to people talk about brewing their own beer."""

"*wakes up in cold sweat* SHOULDN'T ELEVATORS BE CALLED SOMETHING ELSE ON THE WAY DOWN?"

"My wife's safe word: ""Not tonight"""