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Joke of the Day

"You can eat up to three spiders every night in your sleep, except on ""cheat days"" when you can eat as many as you like."

"How does a one liner hurt its readers? With its punchline"

"How do you know you're not logged into reddit? There are /r/atheism posts on the frontpage"

"What did the Asian janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? ""Supplies!"""

"My moral compass must run on solar power, because it never seems to work after dark."

"Fact: Roughly 40% of my childhood was spent preparing for the day I fall into a pit of quicksand."

"Forgetting to close my tab at the bar isn't as costly as forgetting to close tabs on my computer at home."

"Why is a divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it."

"I'm supposed to be afraid of you because you are a twitter badass? What are you going to do, caps lock me?"

"Sext: You are a butterfly. I am a caterpillar. Surprise twist, I am Chris Hansen in a caterpillar suit. You are under arrest."