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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally called Nike instead of the suicide hotline They said just do it."

"Who led the Jews across a semi-permeable membrane? Osmoses."

"Why did the blond climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side."

"Rules to live by: 1. Be kind to strangers 2. Don't cheat on your taxes 3. Everything in moderation 4. Bury the body at sea"

"What's the difference between a BMW and a cactus? on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside"

"Camper: Is it easy to milk a cow? Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it."

"""Brian did you remove some of the thread from your shirt logo?"" Me: [clearly enjoying people calling me the Hug Boss] what? No probably not"

"Molestation is no laughing matter. For most, its a very touchy subject."

"I'm guessing that most people who claim to ""count calories"" are really bad at math."

"I just had a brush with Death Is it weird to name your toothbrush?"