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Joke of the Day

"They say: Dance like there's nobody watching, sing like there's nobody listening. But non of them are there to vouch for you when you end up in an insane asylum."

"Sometimes I get down on my knees and pray for a pigeon to fly directly into my mouth"

"I had a joke about bones... I cant remember the punchline but i remember it was really humerous"

"Typed in ""My Penis"" for a password Said it was ""too long."""

"How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a duck."

"~ Gets old. Puts car keys in 'better' place so I won't lose them ~ Can't find keys, has thrombosisDies ~ Comes back as ghost ... finds keys"

"I stopped to tie my shoe at the airport and someone reported me as an unattended bag."

"I was drinking a margarita at the bar.... And a woman screamed ""Does anyone know CPR?!"" I replied that i knew the whole alphabet, we laughed and laughed.....well except for one guy."

"I'm hosting a support group for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can't come let me know"

"When an intoxicated person is blabbering, 60% of whatever he/she says is true."