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Joke of the Day

"How are toy trains and boobs similar? Both are made for the kid, but daddy ends up playing with them more often."

"If Reese Witherspoon doesn't call her poop ""Reese's Feces"" she's missing out on a clear opportunity to be awesome."

"I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life creating wacky sci-fi inventions... The time machine alone set me back 15 years."

"What did president Obamas father say when he was born? Oh, He's Barack. pronounced with a bad asian-english accent."

"What is a pigs favorite type of acrobatics? Porkour"

"I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I'm certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake."

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing...They're both stuck up cunts."

"Why did Hitler always win foot races? He was the fascist one."

"My friend always wants to talk about the scientific principle of buoyancy. It's not interesting to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat."

"There are three types of people in the world Those who can count, and those who can't"