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Joke of the Day

"Non vaccinated I don't believe in vaccines for my children. FDR never had the polio vaccine and he was President for 12 years."

"IT'S THE COPS. COME OUT WITH UR HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD. ""Bring out my bread? NO ABOVE UR HEAD ""Hello 911? Ducks are pretending to be cops"""

"Ronda Rousey's boxing"

"What does /r/funny and /r/jokes have in common? I laugh at neither of them."

"I show extra confidence at a job interview by giving a firm handshake before and after every question."

"How did the hipster burn his fingertips? He was changing the lightbulb before it was cool. [rimshot]"

"God: u can ask me 1 question me: ok if the singular of geese is goose is the singular of sheep a shoop God: [later] devil: welcome to hell"

"New Band I recently started a new band: We have to play every song in a certain order and we all have to be symmetrical on stage. We're called OC/DC."

"A little boy and his father are walking in a cemetery ...and come across a gravestone that reads ""here lies a lawyer and a good man"" The boy asks his father ""Dad, why did they bury 2 men in 1 grave?"""

"I have now been sober for eighteen months. Not in a row..."