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Joke of the Day

"Do you know the major difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps? Michael Phelps can actually finish a race."

"It's too tight Girl:Its 2 tight Boy:Dont worry,Ill do it slowly, Gal:Push it in, Boy:Ah..I cant, Gal:Its painful, Boy:Forget it. . . . . Well buy new WEDDING RING!"

"My daughter asked for a Frozen blanket So last night she slept on the balcony"

"So I brought a girl home from the bar last night... When we got to bed, she said ""Give me twelve inches and make me bleed!"" So I fucked her twice and punched her in the face."

"What do you call a cop who doesn't shoot innocent black people? 1. Acquitted 2. Fired, retired or expired"

"I was wondering why the football was getting bigger... Then it hit me."

"What do you call a man wearing two rain jackets? Max"

"Turn your trip to the grocery store into a ninja challenge by shopping strictly out of other people's carts when they're not looking."

"How do you describe eating just the right amount? Nom Nom Nominal"

"My wife CLAIMS to be my best friend but she didn't seemed all that psyched when I bragged about this girl at work I just made out with."