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Joke of the Day

"Like arguing with a forest fire."

"What do you call a pack of 8 Timbits? A Timbyte"

"*in bed* Him: what's your fantasy, baby? Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittles instead of gold Him: No, like sexual Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittl-"

"Did you hear that Robin got married? Holy Matrimony, Batman!"

"Why is it hard to sell bibles in Germany? Because it's a Nietzsche Market."

"Made a special running playlist that's nothing but zombie moans & shuffling feet. I've lost 20 pounds & can run a 4:30 minute mile."

"So I was walking home from work.... And I saw this black guy carrying a tv and I thought it was mine but then I ran home and mine was still there shining my shoes."

"There was once a viking who believed in reincarnation. He was hoping that after dying he'd be Bjorn again."

"This year's Oscars are just like Zero Dark Thirty. We know how it's gonna end, but let's all pretend it's suspenseful."

"Why shouldn't you buy Russian underpants? Because Chernobyl fallout."