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Joke of the Day

"*in bed* Him: what's your fantasy, baby? Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittles instead of gold Him: No, like sexual Me: Scrooge McDuck but skittl-"

"What do you call a fart in the middle of the night? What do you call a fart in the mourning? A midnight snack A hot Breakfast"

"If Edward Snowden worked at a grocery market.. *Loudspeaker* Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4 Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly"

"Physics joke Yo mama so fat she has a spin of 2"

"HER: Let me know when you get your shit together. ME: So I guess this is goodbye."

"What's so good about an Ethiopian blow-job? You know she'll swallow."

"WINDEX CEO: listen, I can't have you making puns anymore. EMPLOYEE: okay, I just want to make things clear-- CEO: you're fired."

"What breaks when u give it to a toddler? Her hips"

"A fun thing to do when you're done dating someone is just disappear completely and pretend you've lost your phone and died"

"My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. :)"