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Joke of the Day

"You know why it'd called modern jazz right? No? It's because ""A peace if crap was already taken."""

"A vampire masturbating into a mirror. You didn't see that coming."

"Why are women terrible drivers? Because making sandwiches behind the wheel is a lot harder than making them in the kitchen."

"What can a duck do that a lawyer can't? Shove its bill up its ass."

"I was pretty nervous doing stand-up in front of a bunch of nudists but then I imagined the crowd in their underwear and it helped so much."

"I was told to drink a lot of Perrier My fizzy eau therapist insists on it."

"[diary, day 3642 on deserted island] How can I still be fat?"

"Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours"

"What does a tuna, a glue stick, and a piano have not have in common? You can tune a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

"Why did the chicken cross the playground ? To get to the other slide"