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Joke of the Day

"I was told to drink a lot of Perrier My fizzy eau therapist insists on it."

"My grandmother always wanted to be in a gated community So that's why I chose to have her buried at the cemetery when she died."

"Just found out I'm willing to drive 40mph over the speed limit to prevent a PT Cruiser from passing me."

"What did the tie say to the hat? You go on ahead - I'll just hang around."

"The American Education System"

"[touching face upon receiving compliment] Glad you like it. But, it's not a teardrop tattoo. It's an Oxford comma."

"I guess you could say I like my life how I like my coffee I don't like coffee"

"Why doesnt McDonalds serve snail? Because of sanitation reasons."

"I had three girlfriends once and that was the worst recess ever."

"The search for the mystery penis chopper goes on Detective jones has had a tip off, but will be back at work on Monday."