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Joke of the Day

"My wife said: Pls go to shop & buy a carton of Milk & if they have eggs, get six. I came back with Six cartons of Milk & told they had eggs."

"Instead of saying a package is Family Size, it'd be more helpful if it listed a time frame, like 3 Hours Worth of Cookies."

"How do you get holy water You boil the hell out of it"

"I lost 12 pounds in a week. Good thing I'm not a big investor."

"Records have revealed that Hitler had a ""deformed micropenis""... A little ironic, since he's universally remembered for being a huge dick."

"""Well grandma,"" I said, ""this is where you will be staying eventually, do you like it? "" She shouted, ""Will you fuck off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace!"""

"What idiot called them Ex-fiancees' and not 'Near-Mrs' ?"

"Did you hear that one of Santa's reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble? Its true....Comet cleans sinks!"

"Whenever I have a twitter break, I check my job."

"What is black and smells like blue paint? Black paint."