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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend was going to take my last name when we get married... but now we're changing it to Clinton so we can get away with anything we want"

"I sold my vacuum the other day... all it was doing was collecting dust!"

"What does electron and proton say when they go to war? Chaaaarge!!"

"For the first time in forever, I used the term ""oopsie-daisy"". Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone's baby?"

"The early bird needs to shut the fcuk up."

"I thought it was good to get a bonus. It sucks getting a bonus chromosome."

"Finishing up my time machine. Bolting down the flux capacitor now. I'll start small and go back a couple of seconds just to see if it works."

"What is the difference between my dad and cancer? Cancer came back"

"I really hate those russian stacking dolls. They are so full of themselves."

"Your Majesty, the peasants are revolting! I know, I wish they would wash..!"