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Joke of the Day

"I like to make lists. I also like to leave them laying on the kitchen counter and then guess what's on the list while at the store. Fun game"

"Grandpa Always told me... Find a woman who is smart. Find a woman who is great in bed. Find a woman who loves you for who you are. And make sure none of these women ever meet."

"Don't be a vegetarian ! It's a big missteak"

"sometimes i remember i was part of the nsa hack back in spring / that all my data is currently floating around china and i'm like ""cool"""

"No matter how compelling and convincing the other person's argument is, you can always win a debate by adding ""yeah, but still"" at the end."

"Sex is a dick activity... ...though I like to shorten it to a-dick-tive."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? You think it's 'R' but it's really the 'C'. :D"

"I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are."

"What do me and Mariah Carey have in common? Neither of us know the words to any of her songs"

"I can't wait to get one of those self-driving cars to watch my wife argue with it."