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Joke of the Day

"I refused to believe my road worker father was stealing from his job, but when I got home, all the signs were there."

"i sold all my lizards to buy my girlfriend a Toyota Tundra but she sold her drivers license to buy me a awesome obstacle course for lizards"

"""I'm turning into my dad"" -worst Animorphs ever"

"Sorry I broke your arm when your reached for that last slice of pizza. -Flirting is hard."

"What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist? Elrond Hubbard!"

"What do you if there is a black out? Make sure your doors are locked and windows bolted shut."

"Why are boy scouts like human sacrifices in a cannibalistic society? Their motto is ""be prepared"""

"Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how I feel about that."

"""I have to inform you that you're sitting in an exit row and are legally required to take a photo of the plane wing and post it on Facebook"""

"I wanted to tell you a joke about selfishness. But I'll keep this one for myself."