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Joke of the Day

"I just named two flies in my house Buzz and Buzz Jr. If you want me to come to your house and name shit it's $20/hour."

"Melissa McCarthy has been diagnosed with an aggressive flesh eating virus They've given her only 14 years to live, if untreated."

"Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you ? Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money !"

"(Q)....... What do fat women & mopeds have in common? (A)........ They're both fun to ride until your friends find out."

"Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks."

"Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 3-year-old: A monster truck. I don't think insurance is going to cover that surgery."

"Idea for a podcast: Friends hang out together and have deep and meaningful discussions and nobody records it and it's not a podcast."

"Did you hear about the mass shooting at the thrift shop? The killer was said to be goodwill hunting."

"What do geological plates and dinner plates have in common? They're both pieces of china."

"Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashian's 24/7."