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Joke of the Day

"I have the body of a 25-year-old girl, a 25-year-old who has recently been eaten by a 40-year-old bear."

"I cannot wait for my date tonight. Dates really are the best part of ramadan"

"What do you call a man who worships his own scrotum? Sacrilegious."

"I hate meeting new people. It's like sitting through a fucking job interview to apply for the position of ""acquaintance."""

"What's the best part of domestic violence jokes? The punchline"

"What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair? Cancer..."

"[7:30pm] Tonight I'll actually go to bed on time and get sleep! [2:30am] the most money ever paid for a cow at an auction was $1.3 million"

"*sees a guy snap fingers at a server. I reach for my bag* Wife: No. We only have one left. We have a baby. Me: (to genie) take his fingers"

"I made my wife chuckle with this joke Now she's back to being Barbara."

"The thing about insomnia is 372 raised swirl patterns on the ceiling."