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Joke of the Day

"Monk at the Dentist Did you hear about the Buddhist monk who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication."

"All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it"

"What dog would you want on your American football team? A golden receiver!"

"trolls have found a terrible new way to antagonize me. it is called ""retweeting"" and it works by exposing my posts to scammers & crumb bums."

"Matthew McMonaughey's Lincoln doesn't make left turns... It just goes all right, all right, all right."

"6:There's a monster under my bed Me:That's silly! There's no such thi..OH GOD IT'S EATING MY ARM 6:SCREAMS ME:KIDDING it only eats kids"

"Pitbull: Hey, what rhymes with ""Kodak""? Nicki Minaj: ""Kodak"", duh... Pitbull: Thanks!"

"Keep an identical glass of vodka next to the glass of water on your bedside table for a refreshing morning game of Russian Roulette"

"How do you make a Kleenex dance? You put a little boogie in it."

"Give me coffee to change the things I can change and wine to accept the things I can't."