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Joke of the Day

"6:There's a monster under my bed Me:That's silly! There's no such thi..OH GOD IT'S EATING MY ARM 6:SCREAMS ME:KIDDING it only eats kids"

"What's black & blue and hates sex? A nun wearing a Cubs hat."

"They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country... ...but if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million."

"I like to think that hobos that talk to themselves are just recording a podcast."

"What is it called when you crack an egg and two yolks come out? An anomalette"

"What was the demon arrested for? Possession."

"Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls."

"What's the difference between CNN and Al Jazeera? CNN shows the missiles taking off and Al Jazeera shows them landing."

"Saw a Chinese baby and a black kid wave at each other today. Gives me hope for the future. Or another Rush Hour movie."

"My iPhone won't even recognize my fingerprint unless it's got crumbs on it."