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Joke of the Day

"Men are like old car tires. Balding full of hot air and it never hurts to have a spare."

"California is the best state. The nerds make the apps and the agents make the moving pictures. We keep the idiots happy. Give us your water."

"3 things you never get back : A word after it's said Time after it's passed Your pen if I really like it"

"""How's the wine?"" ""House red?"" ""Yes."" *sips, swills, spits* ""Wow it's got too much body."" ""Sorry, I should have evicted the tenants first."""

"No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!"

"Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend."

"A dialogue between Russians. -Guys, maybe we should stop drinking. -We allready did. We're getting wasted now!"

"What do you call a chocolate moose? Dessert."

"A pessimist and an optimist are watching one of the 2016 debates... The pessimist says ""It can't get any worse"" and the optimist says ""Oh yes it can!"""

"What does a Hot Pepper and a Prostitute have in common? Your dick burns like hell after you stick it in. Side Note: I just realized how much I love prostitute jokes."