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Joke of the Day

"I was watching Jersey Shore the other day when I thought... I didn't know I had animal planet."

"I fought in Vietnam I went there last year and some kid took my Cheetos so I hit him."

"I'm not fat, i'm half-Bulemic. I eat everything i see, but i can't throw up."

"What is expected from ISIS women? Blow jobs."

"Boy: Dad dad there's a spider in the bath. Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before. Boy: Yes but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!"

"Prove that lightning isn't wizards fighting. You can't."

"The golf joke What's the best part about golf? It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail."

"Woman always call me ugly until I tell them how much money I earn Then they call me both ugly and poor"

"ME: This man's robbing me COP: No he's not M: He was doing it a second ago *puts robber's hand on wallet* come on why aren't you robbing now"

"Just LMAO and spent 6 hours in surgery getting it reattached. It's not funny."