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Joke of the Day

"ME: This man's robbing me COP: No he's not M: He was doing it a second ago *puts robber's hand on wallet* come on why aren't you robbing now"

"Why did Bowie die? I guess he was shot through the heart"

"If someone catches you doing something inappropriate don't stop, just do it slowly while keeping eye contact."

"Why did the Time Traveler give Julius Caeser a BJ? He wanted to go down on history."

"Army Jokes by Major Laugh"

"""In case of emergency break glass"" Who do you think I am? Some sort of karate expert? I can't even open a Cheetos bag."

"What does a short sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? They both have wet noses"

"[my 1st day as a doctor] I can't find a pulse [patient] that's a trashcan. I'm over here [me] hold on, I think this trashcan is dying"

"If only Africa had more mosquito nets... ...then every year we could save millions of mosquitoes from dying needlessly of aids. - Jimmy Carr"

"Me: Excuse me Father, what's the Wifi password? Priest: We're in Church! Me: Oh I'm sorry. What's the Wifi password, Amen."