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Joke of the Day

"Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic! *ba dim tiss*"

"I couldn't work for that man anymore, especially now after what he said to me. He said, ""You're fired"""

"I'm old enough to remember when a selfie was some lotion and a box of Kleenex."

"I had no shoes and I complained. Until I met a man who had no feet. So I took his shoes."

"Realized I never said ""unquote"" after reciting a famous poem in 10th grade. Sorry if you thought everything I've said since is Shakespeare"

"When Yuri Gagarin was a kid, he dreamt to be the first one in outer space ... ... but some bitches beat him to it."

"David Bowie was found in a three foot coffin. The coroner said it was a space oddity."

"What's green and smells like pig shit? Kermit's finger."

"Life as a penis must be hard."

"[tv interview] did you get upset? ""that *beep* lied to me, she can go *beep* herself"" don't do that. just curse and we will add the beeps"