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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a Toronto Maple Leafs fan and a 14-year old girl? Nothing. They are both just waiting for the first period to be over."

"I was thinking of taking the cross product of force and distance, ... ... but that's so much work."

"Note to self: Do NOT try shopping for a pearl necklace online. Ever. Again."

"Why did the blonde cross the road? I don't know. Neither did she!"

"Did you hear about the Pharaoh who refused to believe that his boat was sinking? He was in denial"

"*spits out mouthful of peacock feathers* I'm sorry, I thought these were for just anyone to eat. *gets escorted from zoo*"

"I told my friend I was traveling to Seattle... He asked who attle was."

"My wife gave me her Christmas list. I said, ""isn't my undying love & affection enough?"" We laughed and laughed. Now I'm at the purse store"

"A corrupt politician turns the power off in an orphanage. What are they going to do, tell their parents?"

"Told my GF: ""We haven't had sex for almost a month."" She replied: ""Speak for yourself."""