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Joke of the Day

"What if someone was called zelnut Then I'd be like hey zelnut"

"Not going to any more weddings or funerals. Please keep that in mind, friends who are considering getting married or dying."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it would be R, but they really love the C."

"3 1/2 Inches is the avg size a woman needs to be happy. MasterCard, Visa, American Express, ect..."

"(Hope this isn't a repost) What happens when a stormtrooper and a redshirt get in a fight? The stormtrooper misses every shot, but the red shirt still dies."

"Paid a homeless guy $1 for this: What's a pirate's favorite letter? (They will always say ""arrrrrrhh."") Nope, P, it's like arrrrrrhh without a leg."

"What is long brown and sticky? A poo"

"How many Freudians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to screw in the bulb and the other to hold the penis..*ER..LADDER! I MEANT LADDER!*"

"I came home to a trail of bread leading to the bedroom & of course I followed, only to find my husband in bed with 10 ducks. I'm heartbroken"

"I don't mind head lice, unless I have to take them out of people's hair. But that's just me nitpicking."