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Joke of the Day

"What if someone was called zelnut Then I'd be like hey zelnut"

"How do you get out of the stomach of an elephant? Run around until you get pooped out"

"What do you call a crime-solving blender. Deducer"

"Why are Subway footlongs only 11 inches? Because Jared likes his meat in smaller buns."

"Return policy: ""If for any reason you are not satisfied..."" Ok, I'm not satisfied because dwarves and rockets."

"The difference between your husband and your Netflix account is, over time, your Netflix account learns what you like."

"Operator: 911 Me: My wife is going into labor, what do I do? O: Relax sir, is this her first born? Me: No, this is her husband."

"There is no ""I"" in ""team."" But there's an ""I"" in ""Tim,"" and my friend Carlos pronounces it ""team"" so....there"

"Scientists are attempting to clone Ice Age Cave Lions because running into a raccoon when I take out the trash isn't scary enough."

"Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast? Because in France one egg is un uf."