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Joke of the Day

"What does the educated owl say? Whom"

"Just left a note on the ex's car saying ""I STILL LOVE YOU"" hope it doesn't go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep."

"Position of husband is like a split A.C. No matter how loud he is outside, but inside the house, he is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by remote."

"Dave's Adventure In A Cave (Limerick) There once was a man named Dave, who found a dead whore in a cave. She was ugly as shit and missing one tit, but think of the money he saved!"

"Why couldn't Arnold Schwarzenegger run for president? Because he doesn't do cardio."

"Always be yourself, unless you can be a giraffe. Then, be a giraffe."

"My friend keeps saying ""cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water"" I know he means well..."

"I think I have a genetic predisposition to diarrhea... It runs in my jeans."

"I brought a pet iguana home from the pet store... I think there's something wrong with him because he's very lethargic and I can't get him up. It must be a reptile dysfunction."

"George W Bush looked exactly like a chimpanzee, and Michelle Obama has the face of a gorilla... The White House should be the name of the monkey exhibit at the Washington DC Zoo!"