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Joke of the Day

"Not saying you're shady but there is a family of squirrels gathered around your ankles."

"i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells weed i'll call it 'glazed and confused'."

"Whats a similarity between a pizza delivery guy and a gynecologist? They both smell it, but they can't eat it."

"Get a big metal box, label it ""TIME CAPSULE"" and take a big dump in it so people know what 2011 was like."

"Just been to my first Muslim birthday party. The musical chairs was a bit slow, but fuck me the pass the parcel was quick!"

"Why don't blind people skydive? cos it scares the shit out of their dogs."

"I tried to make the earthquake drill realistic by throwing glass shards and screaming ""You fuckers are dead."" I'm no longer safety captain."

"Helen Keller wouldnt know what a dick was if it hit her in the face."

"Remember to make short sighted assumptions and rash decisions with almost no information today."

"What do you call it when the girl you like likes you back? Imagination"