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Joke of the Day

"I tried to make the earthquake drill realistic by throwing glass shards and screaming ""You fuckers are dead."" I'm no longer safety captain."

"Little Johnny's teacher asks him to make a sentence using the following words: defeat, deduct, defense and detail. Little Johnny says, ""De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail."""

"How do Jews fight? With JewJitsu"

"I never wanted to hug someone as badly as the little old man who just ordered a ""small coffee flavored coffee"" in Starbucks."

"Sockets What did one socket say to the other? Stay grounded."

"She: We are having my mother For dinner tonight? Me: But darling i'm a vegetarian. . how can i eat her?"

"How much does Nicki Minaj sell security devices for? Pound an alarm"

"The Barenaked Ladies have been pulled from the rubble alive, following the Nepal Earthquake. Its been One Week."

"Abs are for people who can't afford good food."

"Q: What is a 'forum'? A: Two-um plus two-um."