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Joke of the Day

"Why should you attend someone's funeral although you know they won't be attend yours back? Because they will be at your funeral in spirit"

"Why do Italians carry slices of turd in their wallets? For identification."

"What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair."

"Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!"

"Seriously Alejandro, stop calling Gaga. I think she's made it pretty clear she's not interested and frankly you can do better."

"Whenever a woman tells me that she just wants to have a good time and sleep with me, I say ""You can only pick one."""

"I'm not passive aggressive. Unlike *some* people."

"The priest and the rabbi So, a priest and a rabbi are talking. The priest says:"" I recently fucked a little boy."" The rabbi responds:"" Out of what?"""

"I tried putting my cat on a diet once, but she's still fat... I guess it just didn't work out"

"I just poked myself in the eyes... I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon."