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Joke of the Day

"I just poked myself in the eyes... I can't see myself doing that again anytime soon."

"[interrogation] ""Where were u on the nite of the 5th?"" Stabbing a guy. ""Louder for the tape."" [leans in] Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie."

"A mugger pulls a knife and shouts ""Your money or your life!"" The victim just shurgs, keeps walking and calls over his shoulder ""I'm a postdoc, I don't have either."""

"r/jokes would be a great fencer After all, it seems to be extremely good with reposts ((Works best spoken))"

"Einstein made a theory about space... It was about time too."

"He who farts in church Sits in his own pew"

"Quick Jokes http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-hudspeth/2013/09/50-terrible-quick-jokes-thatll-get-you-a-laugh-on-demand/"

"Why was the broom late? because it overswept"

"Two bloke sitting in a pub watching a dog lick its balls. One turns to the other and says ""I wish I could do that."" The second drunk replies ""Give him a biscuit and he might let you."""

"Two guys walk into a bar You think the second one would be smart enough to duck"