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Joke of the Day

"I have a thing for older men. Not cuz I have 'daddy issues', but because I also like to eat dinner at 4:30 and be asleep by 8pm."

"My girlfriend through 5 years just left me. No I'm left with a wife and 2 kids."

"What do you call a half gay man? A semicolon."

"Why is it so difficult to call Chinese people? There's so many wings it's easy to wing the wong number."

"If you think nobody cares whether you're alive... try missing a couple of payments."

"Whats the difference between a cow and 9/11? Americans can't milk a cow for 14 years"

"Currently helping my son search for his chocolate that I ate last night."

"Pro tip: Next time you're at a bar, go up to a woman & whisper ""Hey, wanna get outta here?"" If she says yes, you can sit where she was."

"-What's your zodiac sign? -Tyrannosaurus. -But that's not even a real sign. -None of the zodiac signs are real."

"I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant a transmission problem rather than repossession problem."