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Joke of the Day

"Star trek predicting future technology? How do we know apple won't be around long? Because Captain Picard uses an android."

"I am one of the best fortune tellers in the world. My predictions are accurate 99.9999% of the time. I can predict your future fortune right now. You won't be winning the lottery anytime soon."

"How was the Grand Canyon created? A Jew lost a penny (incoming angry comments)"

"I tried to order a Vietnamese sandwich at a restaurant today while I was walking around topless... The staff refused to serve me, and threatened to bahn mi if I came in without a shirt again."

"A man trying to scam people into buying land in space was baffled when it didnt work. . . His sign read: 'SPACE AVAILABLE'"

"""Well grandma,"" I said, ""this is where you will be staying eventually, do you like it? "" She shouted, ""Will you fuck off and let me visit your granddad's grave in peace!"""

"7yo: MOMMA DO YOU THINK YOU'LL EVER GET A 6-PACK OR ARE YOU JUST GONNA BE FAT Me: *slowly shreds Pokemon cards w/out breaking eye contact*"

"I think these bikers are coming over to give me a group hug because they like the Hello Kitty stickers I put all over their motorcycles."

"Why do teenage girls have groups in odd numbers? Because they can't even."

"How many Redditors does it take to change a light bulb? Well... none. But their friend did once."