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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend: hey babe you wanna get breakfast and go for a run? (Cut to me with a mouth full of Doritos) Me: I have shin splints"

"I bet The Flintstones make those guys at PETA furious."

"Noel, Noel. Noel, Noel. Born is the king of isrea."

"What do you call a cow that's cold and angry? BURRRR...GERRRRRRR edit: Thought of this last night when eating my burger and my friend said that the burgers were cold, lol."

"Why did 6 break up with 7? Because 7 ate 9 out"

"A man decides to go to the zoo There was only a dog there. It was a shih tzu."

"when i tell guys i want a baby i just assume they kno i don't mean a human one. i want a baby antelope, a baby hedgehog, a baby lizard"

"Why do men like football? Because the biggest priorities in football are also the biggest priorities in every man's life.... Scoring and Ball Security."

"My eyes are brown with tiny flecks of narcissism."

"*accidentally summons malevolent demon at a seance* I WILL HAUNT YOUR HOME FOREVER! [4 days later] YOU KNOW, YOU COULD CLEAN UP OCCASIONALLY"