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Joke of the Day

"Girlfriend: hey babe you wanna get breakfast and go for a run? (Cut to me with a mouth full of Doritos) Me: I have shin splints"

"Why wasn't Sarah Jessica Parker cast in ""Seabiscuit""? I don't think she auditioned for the movie, or was even considered for it. And she was busy with ""Sex and the City"" anyway."

"Meeting friends for dinner. Can't find my phone so I'm bringing along a TV remote to stare at."

"You shouldn't be friends with a fence, because... ...They hold you back."

"If the opposite of pro is con... Wouldn't the opposite of progress be the congress?"

"""i'd do anthony for you"" - worst autocorrect fail by me"

"r/jokes, I'm in the dentists chair with 2 cavities. Please, cheer me up."

"I don't care what you say about vacuum cleaners They still suck Just like this joke"

"How was copper wire invented? Two jews found the same penny."

"Running a custard factory has its challenges You really go through thick and thin."