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Joke of the Day

"It's alright if we're doing it all wrong. After all, we are the first generation to deal with midlife crisis by staring at our phones."

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"There are 10 kinds of people... ... Those that understand binary, and those that don't :)"
"How many white girls does it take to change a lightbulb? Well, it has to be an odd number, because they literally cannot even."
"kids can't play outside b/c of the miniscule chance they'll be kidnapped. at age 16 they get keys to a 2000-pound machine powered by fire"
"So pi and the imaginary number are talking... and i says to pi, ""be rational."" Pi responds, ""u shut ur bitch-ass whore mouth or im gon shank u mofo"" and i says, ""Oh shit just got real."""
"PIG: ""I'm paranoid everyone's trying to turn me into bacon"" PSYCHIATRIST: ""I'll cure you"" PIG: ""Oh God, not you too"""
"Why can't you trick an aborted baby? Because it wasn't born yesterday."
"How do you get a fat girl into bed? Piece of cake! Edit: Holy shit I didn't even realize it was my cake day. Woah"
"I don't know who won the debate tonight but I do know who lost... The American people :("
"About to go out and make some foreign dude's night by butchering the pronunciation of the food I'll be ordering."