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Joke of the Day

"I'm dressing up as Bernie Sanders for halloween I'm going to take the candy from the rich kids and give it all to the poor ones"

"I just read an article in the newspaper about how 60% of adults still live with their parents. I was like ""OMG Mum did you read this???"""

"What's a control freaks favorite macro? Control+U"

"What is the one food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%? Wedding cake."

"You can park your car anywhere you want as long as you turn on your emergency blinkers. It's one of the more obscure lifehacks out there"

"I buy all my guns from a bloke called T-Rex.. He's a small arms dealer."

"If a man's signature is called a ""John Hancock"" what do you call a woman's? Historically insignificant. Full disclosure: Heard on the radio this morning on my way to work."

"FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food."

"Nothing says you married into the wrong damn family like your mother in-law crashing your honeymoon."

"A lycanthrope transforms in front of his friend for the first time. His friend says ""oh my god, you just turned into a wolf!"" He replies: ""yes. I am a were."""