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Joke of the Day

"FACT: Uma Thurman is the only person to ever have been named by someone with a mouthful of food."

"Justin Bieber gets 40,000 retweets just for tweeting 'Hello', so here's my attempt: Hele0iM1. Ah, harder than it looks. Fair play to him."

"Why did jay z cross the road? Because mr mantis ate my skunk food."

"""Turning on the dishwasher..."" Is what I call foreplay with my wife."

"My local barber was busted today for dealing drugs. I'm in shock. I've been a loyal customer for years and I had no idea he was a barber."

"i was with my mother and i asked if i could go some where and no and i said, their are starving kids in africa she said I don't give a fuck give them a sandwich"

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? None, cops aren't afraid of the dark."

"What did the first ape that could walk say to all the other apes? I'm walkin' here!"

"Apparently just because I have the ""mind of a child"" I'm not allowed to sit on a Santa's lap. Also it's ""illegal"" to carry a brain around."

"I almost hit a bunny but then i missed it by a hare."